每日常青

OPINION: 讽刺: Protect our 亿万富翁 from 新冠病毒

Celebrities, as the smartest and brightest of our society, need all the help we can give them.

雅各布赫什,长荣意见主编

2020年5月27日

As Jeff Bezos crosses that holy border from billionaire to trillionaire, hundreds of thousands of Americans are out of work. As Chrissy Teigen complains about artisan cookware, laid-off workers are wondering where their next meal will come from. As Nancy Pelosi greasily shuffles hedge funds around, small...

OPINION: 讽刺: Protestors, politicians respond to 新冠肺炎

Protestors and politicians alike are both, in their own way, reacting poorly to this pandemic.

雅各布赫什,长荣意见主编

2020年5月20日

As states continue to deal with the 新冠病毒 pandemic, tensions around the country flare as people demand the reopening of businesses and services. Protesters in Michigan, Washington and other hard-hit states see this as an infringement of their constitutional rights, while harried government officials...

OPINION: 讽刺: Dogs and 猫 react to the 隔离

Dogs and 猫 have responded very differently to the 新冠病毒 隔离.

雅各布赫什,长荣意见主编

2020年5月13日

While many have studied and acknowledged the impact of the 隔离 on the economy, local business and healthcare workers, few have examined the effect the lockdown has had on our furry animal companions. Dogs and 猫, man’s best friend and man’s casual roommate (respectively), have been hit just...

讽刺:死者走

新冠肺炎 totally isn't the start of the zombie apocalypse we hope ...

雅各布赫什,常绿专栏作家

3月9日2020年

不 the recent 新冠病毒 outbreak have anything to do with the mysterious surge of violent crimes in the 惠特曼县 area that some claim is the result of a “僵尸感染”? 没有, is the resounding answer from the state’s health officials. “有 没有这样的事,作为一个僵尸欧...

讽刺:你不知道真正的音乐

All ye who enter here, bring forth your music tastes to the Oracle and face the judgment of truth!

安娜年轻,常绿专栏作家

2020年2月20日

A recent discovery at 华盛顿州立大学 may change the fate of music forever. Deep in the bowels of the Kimbrough Music Building, tucked away in a secret practice room, music minor Harold Hyscoming found a being who claims to be the Oracle of Real 音乐. The Evergreen decided to investigate, following the Ora...

SATIRE: Students scrape last cash for V-Day

安娜年轻,常绿专栏作家

2020年2月13日

Love is in the air at 华盛顿州立大学 as students plan their celebration of Valentine’s Day this Friday. Sophomore Han Grie said he’s been planning his Valentine’s Day for months. He worked three jobs over the summer so he could afford the highest-level RDA, and said he’s carefully budgeted his meal...

OPINION: SATIRE: Give other groups the Bachelor

OPINION: SATIRE: Give other groups the Bachelor

雅各布赫什,常绿专栏作家

2020年2月10日

Everyone’s familiar with ABC’s “The Bachelor,” a hot mess of spray tans and off-brand Ryan Seacrest impersonators. Women, it seems, enter a semi-rabid state of mind at the sight of a chiseled jawline on a guy that looks like Flannel-Wearing Extra #1 from a Luke Combs music video. 什么^ h ...

讽刺:停止镍和 - 低鸣我,华盛顿州立大学

Why are the small fees the most annoying ones? It is almost as if 华盛顿州立大学 is trying to get every last penny they can out of every single student.

雅各布赫什,常绿专栏作家

2020年2月7日

什么时候 you’re considering college costs, it’s important to remember that tuition, housing and books don’t necessarily cover everything. There are costs that’ll nickel-and-dime you, sneaking little chunks out of your wallet until one day, you go to Venmo a girl 75 cents for a peck on the lips ...

SATIRE: Black History Month is a struggle

I used to play bingo with a black guy and we got along fine. I don’t get how anyone could call me racist.

乔尔kemegue,常绿专栏作家

2020年2月6日

As an old white man (obviously) I’ve lived through more Black History Months than most people have. I can say, as the old white man that I clearly am, that I’ve usually opted out of the occasion because I don’t know a lot of black history. My daughter challenged me to do it though, and so, f...

讽刺:yeehaw的牛仔诗歌周

Cowpokes ride into Elko, Nev. with pistols and poems at the ready.

乔尔kemegue,常绿专栏作家

2020年1月30日

//www.youtube.com/watch?v=-NuX79Ud8zI Cowboy poetry week started two days ago. Where’s all the celebration, 华盛顿州立大学? Not a lot needs to be explained. We all know cowboy poetry week has been a staple of America since the old Western days of 1985, and we all know each year hundreds of cowpokes herd themse...

讽刺: students leave school over coach change

讽刺: students leave school over coach change

安娜年轻,常绿专栏作家

2020年1月16日

With the announcement of Nick Rolovich as WSU football’s new head coach, the university has been buzzing with opinions about the upcoming change. 华盛顿州立大学 President Kirk Schulz took to the interwebs to voice his support for Rolovich as the new head coach and vouch for ongoing athletic endeavors. “我们...

SATIRE: Interviewing a husky before Apple Cup

New husky owner Ursula Williams gave 每日常青 a chance to talk to her dog, Yeti, and ask him a few questions about why huskies, despite being associated with colder climates, aren’t cool at all.

乔尔kemegue,常绿专栏作家

二零一九年十一月二十日

Dog enthusiast and husky owner Ursula Williams is expressing regret about owning a husky, and now calls it the “worst decision of her life.” “It’s not fun,” Williams said. “I hate huskies now, and Yeti’s awful.” Williams said she was given Yeti, her husky, as a present upon graduating...

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